Hello Ladies,
I must confess that by inspiration from my friend Kim Rayman I have decided to do some sharing or writing if you will. Upon further examination of my social life or lack there off, I feel the need to share various bits of useless, but funny and important to me, information on my mind. Whether it be by reason of a surge of hormones that provided the energy and enabled me to finally and for once, have a sink free of dishes and a shower within the last 24 hrs, or my sheer desperation for some intellectual conversation. No offense to my husband, but some of you know that Adrian’s sleeping schedule is about opposite of mine. So chatting his ear off, with my burp and poop stories, as soon as he gets up for the few hours we spend together sometimes doesn’t work too well. Also know that my husband is my inspiration for much of my desire to share and be open. Kim knows how it used to be so hard for me to speak my mind.
For some reason your modesty seems to goes out the window when you have a baby. I am sitting here asking myself if modesty is the right word… AND my friend/roommate just informed me “Well, you didn’t used to whip out your Tig old Bitties around the house”. LOL
Regardless of the reason I have sat down to torture you all with my random thoughts as they occur… which means they will have no particular order or relevance.
If there is a more efficient blog to throw this on… please feel free to let me know. As a warning someday I may feel venturous and decide to try and publish this stuff in a book. Don’t be scared …. There is a fat chance of that ya know… but just so you know. Please don’t let that hinder you from sharing freely.
Please excuse lack of editing, at this point with my hair four different colors, I haven’t really cared what my appearance looks like much less my writing. Only that you get the message in the small amounts of time I have in between feeding, burping , changing diapers, sleeping, AND of course my favorite--play time …and when I want to sacrifice sleep for the occasional painting and trimming of the toe nails. Which brings me to the first idea I had for sharing a story with you all.
Soggy Sock Boy: I took a swim class at the college not too long ago. Well I am all self conscious to be in a swim suit after baby boy and all, so I make sure to get a one piece. Well it doesn’t much matter… no one is going to be staring at me I am thinking. As I get to know my class I find that, no offense, they are all a little dorky. One guy has gross yellow teeth with slime hanging down. Another has so much acne I was afraid something was going to pop on me. I ventured over to the side of the pool only to look down in front of my face and find the instructors long black toe nails starring at me. Then there was “sock boy”. He was dorky, goofy, and trying to hit on me yuk. He proceeded to get into the pool and everyone noticed he was wearing white socks. Like not water shoes but cotton socks. Another girl asked him WHY. He said it was so his feet didn’t gross everyone out. So I’m in the water thinking about the slimy teeth, nasty toenails, and puss filled acne all getting on me… I’m ready to throw up.
Well some time goes by and I am at home one day and look down at my feet and see that my toenails look like velacoraptor feet because I have not had time to cut my toenails. So I put on a pair of white socks to hide them AND then it hits me…. I have been reduced to Soggy Sock Boy…. double ewe.
I love the writing material that being a Mom brings!!!
Confession: Now I do not hide purchases from my husband but this one I have to admit I was a little embarrassed about. Somewhere along the line it became extremely exciting for me to get out of the house and go on a shopping spree at Rite Aide Pharmacy. First it was supposed to be only to pick up some hair dye and mothers day cards. Now give me a little credit… I only chose a Rite Aid Pharmacy shopping spree because of the $75.00 in gift cards I had taken off Adrian’s dresser. I thought this would be enough to buy some much needed makeup and other junk that us girls need. Pretty soon I found myself roaming the aisles, AJ and I staring at all the pretty colors of makeup and costume jewelry. Gotta love my baby boy… he is such a good sport. I thought well there were so many sales it can’t hurt. Makeup and jewelry was like 75% off. So the beautiful jewelry that cost a whopping 5-10 bucks was now just a few. Surely this whole $75.00 that I had to spend would go a long way for my beauty routine. LOL I couldn’t help it … I kept throwing crap in the basket like “ I just had a baby so I deserve these beautiful plump lips, model-like skin, and long eyelashes that these miraculous drug-store products will provide.” It was an act of desperation, clearly a moment of Mommy-fog-brain-insanity.
Finally Alijah got impatient with my distraction of drug store beauty supplies and started crying. I lost count but did not think that my purchases had exceeded the 75 bucks. I had to get out of there or I would buy the whole store purely out of shopping deprivation. So I got to the register and the lady rang up a whopping 100+ dollars OVER the gift cards. I couldn’t believe how irresponsible I had been… I was so embarrassed. I didn’t know what to do… AJ had pooped out of his diaper and was screaming. My hair was the deciding factor … looking like Don King but blonde with brown roots… so I said fuck it, pulled out the credit card and bit the bullet. I kept thinking Adrian is going kill me. He later asked me what happened to the gift cards. I batted my eyelashes and said “I used them to buy hair dye and stuff”. He didn’t ask anything else. I have a great hubby.
Moral of the story… take a shopping list
Blonde moment: In thinking of a title for this blog I was reminded of a blonde moment I had several years ago. My friend Kim and I have had many “business ventures” together. Well in contemplating one of our ideas for a coffee shop I was going to be clever and think of an appropriate title. One day I woke up and told Kim I had the best idea… we would call it “The Perk”. She looked at me and was like “ You retard, how original, are you sure you haven’t heard of that anywhere before… like in the sit-com ‘Friends’… the “Central Perk” coffee house???” Oh yeah duh.
Hostility: Motherhood brings about homicidal tendencies and feelings of hostility that you never knew you had. I was watching the cute movie “Marly and Me” the other day… and the scene with Jennifer Aniston coming home from the hospital from having a baby…. showed her hair perfectly curled, perfect makeup, not tired, belly flat AND smiling like she just had a day at the spa. (which prior to being pregnant, I totally thought I would be capable of doing) Needless to say I was pissed! I told Adrian “ Yea right! That’s bullshit! Nobody comes home from having a baby looking like that!” Adrian was like “It’s ok babe, it’s just a movie.” I was like “ I don’t care, that kind of perpetrating should be outlawed!” It must have been a man that wrote the script.
